Re-Adjustment

Apparently its been a while since my last post. I guess you could say that I had an unplanned break? I could give you excuses, but who really cares? A lot has happened...August was a very busy and fun month. Grady's adoption was finalized (woohoo), went to AZ to meet my newest nephew Carter, went to Monterey with Brad's siblings and Dad, Grady was sealed to us (double woohoo) and then of course endless visits to the beach, pool and now Disneyland. In August, my sister, Shaunee and her family moved to Carlsbad...which is maybe an hour from here. Its been nice to see all them more often. Grady turned 1!!! And, we went to Wyoming. Oh, and I started school again. And, a few weeks ago Brad and I celebrated our 8 year wedding anniversary. Crazy. Time flies.

Now before I begin my soul searching post...please know I am truly happy. This whole stay-at-home mom thing is quite an adjustment for me. It's hard for me to explain it. I love being with Grady and getting to see every little moment. But, I think that perhaps this staying at home thing has maybe made me a little bit lazier. I know, was it even possible? Yup. I am very much a procrastinator. If I don't feel like doing something like the laundry or groccery shopping...who cares I'll do it tomorrow is my attitude. Everything is I'll do it tomorrow. Then tomorrow comes and guess what...doesn't get done. It has obviously been an adjustment for me to figure out me as "Mom". I still don't have it figured out. I knew myself as all the other roles I am/was, but this is for sure different. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.

So, to try to figure it all out I decided to start running. Okay, let me back up here.....I read a blog called the r house (I'm too lazy to link to it, so if you're interested look at my sidebar), it's an adoption blog that I love to read....anyhow, she invited anyone who wants to run a half marathon in moab in march..the catch is you have to wear an adoption t-shirt (to get the awareness out there and all). I was way excited, immediately called Yannette and conned her into agreeing to do it with me (a few weeks after the conning she found herself "with child" and can no longer run a half marathon...this is a miracle BTW. Remember this is my friend who is in the IFC. But, now I think I may be the only standing member of the IFC...seems how the other two are now able to get pregnant...we may need to rethink the name). So, that's the very short version on how this whole running thing came about. After Yannette told me she was pregnant, I told Brad I still wanted and needed to run the half marathon. At the time I didn't know why. This is what I've come up with: my butt is expanding at an alarming rate, but more importantly I need to have some sort of goal that I can accomplish....its been way too long. Yes, finishing school is a goal, but that is going to take FOREVER!! I need something shorter term. I need something that I can be proud of. And, this is why I keep running. I have now been doing it for 6 weeks. This is amazing. I can't remember the last time I kept anything up for 6 weeks. I'll start something, but rarely do I finish it. Running has kept me a little bit sane. I look forward to the time by myself. I'm not sure I'll be doing the half marathon in Moab, but I will be doing a half marathon somewhere around that time. Since Yannette can't join me, my sister Shaunee let me con her into running one with me. Mary flaked out already....loser! Brad is very encouraging too...he makes me go run when I don't want to. I think he realized how important it is for me to actually do this than I do.

I'm sure I'll survive this "re-adjustment" but how much longer will it take?? It's driving me crazy!!!

One Year Ago

One year ago last Sat. (the 19th), Miss NeeNo turned 4!! Brad and I gifted her The Bee Movie. And, we watched her and Sim-o swim in the kiddie pool while the adults enjoyed a delicious sandwich from Mr. Pickles.

On my cute niece's birthday, Brad's stepmom, Vicki, passed away suddenly. Little did we know that July 19th was just the beginning of a very (I don't know what word to use here) time in our lives.

One year ago today, July 23rd, was Vicki's funeral. One year ago today, we got the call from our adoption caseworker that a birth mom wanted to meet us!!! Two days from now will mark one year from when Mary was diagnosed with cancer. Five days from now will be one year from when we met our Rachel. To say that my heart is full of every emotion is an understatement. I realize how lucky we are. I realize how blessed we are. I still have no words. I'm not sure I ever will. Remembering that week honestly makes me cry. I don't think I ever shed that many tears in one week my whole life. My emotions at the time were all over the place. I realized that week that I had the "talent" of compartmentalizing my stress (it was a talent that week, trust me...maybe not so much now though). I remember a few days after meeting Rachel, I had a 100% complete meltdown when I allowed everything to hit me at once. It was not pretty. Poor Brad. Remembering that week I remember feeling like I was living in a dream and a nightmare at the same time. It has been a whirlwind since then. We got our baby and Mary is cancer free! I wish Vicki was here to meet and play with Grady. She would adore him just like she adored Brad. We think and talk about her often. We miss her, but we know we will see her again and that she is looking down on us with her big smile and awesome laugh that I miss so much!!!

My Solace

In my single days I frequented the beach on a very regular basis. Every brown spot on my face is a testament to that. I would go when I was happy or sad. If the sun was out, or not. To praise the sun or walk in the moonlight. The beach is where I found comfort and peace. I have never been afraid of the ocean. Even when caught in the "washing machine" of the waves I was never afraid. I love it!!
Living by the beach again is awesome. I never realized how much I missed it. A few months ago, Grady and I braved the beach...just the two of us. I was nervous how it was gonna go. I didn't know if Grady would like it. Lucky for me, he played for maybe 10 mins and then decided it was time to have a bottle and go to sleep. He slept for 2 hours under the umbrella!!! I was in heaven. I got to sit in my chair, look out at the ocean, sip my Coke, read and stare at my sleeping baby. It was then that I realized how much I missed my beach, how very happy I am and how all my dreams came true.

Slacker!!

To steal my sister, Kelly's, comment..."I'm a blog slacker." This whole mommy thing has me running in circles and by the end of the night I just don't have the energy. I would use nap time if Grady slept for more than 30-45 mins. I use that time to make it look like I clean my house or most of the time, a much needed sit down/time out. That's my excuse, so don't be a hater.

Anyhow, I have a zillion things going on in my head. As usual, I'm purging my brain in the way of a "list".

* I don't know how people handle more than one kid. I did have the pleasure of watching my friends two girls while she gave birth to her third. I had them for exactly 50 hours straight...no breaks. When Brad walked through the door on the second night I didn't even say hello to him...my first words were "We are not having three children. At this point I don't know if I can handle even two." He, of course, just laughed. I did figure out what was so "hard", or should I say "exhausting". My little friends are very good little girls. They entertain themselves and kept Grady occupied. What was hard was trying to keep them entertained so the whining wasn't overboard...cuz I cannot handle the whining...keeping them fed and happy ...but, oh yeah, I have a nine month old that still takes a bottle and naps. All had different needs and it was difficult to juggle and keep everyone happy.
* I don't think I'm as good as a wife as I need to be or should be. Trying to work on that.
* Grady is almost ready to walk. I'm not ready for my baby to not be a baby anymore.
* "Mommy guilt".
* I have been sucked into watching Real Housewives of New Jersey and Tori and Dean. I'm ashamed to admit it, but now that I'm out with it, I feel better.
* Summer time!!
* Grady's sleeping and eating. Well, Grady in general.
* Father's Day. I was way more emotional about Father's Day than Mother's Day. I would brag about how awesome Brad is, but I don't want anybody to puke (your welcome Mary).

There's more, but now I'm tired. 2 of those I may expand on...depends on how much they continue to eat at me.