One Year Ago

One year ago last Sat. (the 19th), Miss NeeNo turned 4!! Brad and I gifted her The Bee Movie. And, we watched her and Sim-o swim in the kiddie pool while the adults enjoyed a delicious sandwich from Mr. Pickles.

On my cute niece's birthday, Brad's stepmom, Vicki, passed away suddenly. Little did we know that July 19th was just the beginning of a very (I don't know what word to use here) time in our lives.

One year ago today, July 23rd, was Vicki's funeral. One year ago today, we got the call from our adoption caseworker that a birth mom wanted to meet us!!! Two days from now will mark one year from when Mary was diagnosed with cancer. Five days from now will be one year from when we met our Rachel. To say that my heart is full of every emotion is an understatement. I realize how lucky we are. I realize how blessed we are. I still have no words. I'm not sure I ever will. Remembering that week honestly makes me cry. I don't think I ever shed that many tears in one week my whole life. My emotions at the time were all over the place. I realized that week that I had the "talent" of compartmentalizing my stress (it was a talent that week, trust me...maybe not so much now though). I remember a few days after meeting Rachel, I had a 100% complete meltdown when I allowed everything to hit me at once. It was not pretty. Poor Brad. Remembering that week I remember feeling like I was living in a dream and a nightmare at the same time. It has been a whirlwind since then. We got our baby and Mary is cancer free! I wish Vicki was here to meet and play with Grady. She would adore him just like she adored Brad. We think and talk about her often. We miss her, but we know we will see her again and that she is looking down on us with her big smile and awesome laugh that I miss so much!!!

My Solace

In my single days I frequented the beach on a very regular basis. Every brown spot on my face is a testament to that. I would go when I was happy or sad. If the sun was out, or not. To praise the sun or walk in the moonlight. The beach is where I found comfort and peace. I have never been afraid of the ocean. Even when caught in the "washing machine" of the waves I was never afraid. I love it!!
Living by the beach again is awesome. I never realized how much I missed it. A few months ago, Grady and I braved the beach...just the two of us. I was nervous how it was gonna go. I didn't know if Grady would like it. Lucky for me, he played for maybe 10 mins and then decided it was time to have a bottle and go to sleep. He slept for 2 hours under the umbrella!!! I was in heaven. I got to sit in my chair, look out at the ocean, sip my Coke, read and stare at my sleeping baby. It was then that I realized how much I missed my beach, how very happy I am and how all my dreams came true.

Slacker!!

To steal my sister, Kelly's, comment..."I'm a blog slacker." This whole mommy thing has me running in circles and by the end of the night I just don't have the energy. I would use nap time if Grady slept for more than 30-45 mins. I use that time to make it look like I clean my house or most of the time, a much needed sit down/time out. That's my excuse, so don't be a hater.

Anyhow, I have a zillion things going on in my head. As usual, I'm purging my brain in the way of a "list".

* I don't know how people handle more than one kid. I did have the pleasure of watching my friends two girls while she gave birth to her third. I had them for exactly 50 hours straight...no breaks. When Brad walked through the door on the second night I didn't even say hello to him...my first words were "We are not having three children. At this point I don't know if I can handle even two." He, of course, just laughed. I did figure out what was so "hard", or should I say "exhausting". My little friends are very good little girls. They entertain themselves and kept Grady occupied. What was hard was trying to keep them entertained so the whining wasn't overboard...cuz I cannot handle the whining...keeping them fed and happy ...but, oh yeah, I have a nine month old that still takes a bottle and naps. All had different needs and it was difficult to juggle and keep everyone happy.
* I don't think I'm as good as a wife as I need to be or should be. Trying to work on that.
* Grady is almost ready to walk. I'm not ready for my baby to not be a baby anymore.
* "Mommy guilt".
* I have been sucked into watching Real Housewives of New Jersey and Tori and Dean. I'm ashamed to admit it, but now that I'm out with it, I feel better.
* Summer time!!
* Grady's sleeping and eating. Well, Grady in general.
* Father's Day. I was way more emotional about Father's Day than Mother's Day. I would brag about how awesome Brad is, but I don't want anybody to puke (your welcome Mary).

There's more, but now I'm tired. 2 of those I may expand on...depends on how much they continue to eat at me.

My Funny Little Friend

I live about 2 seconds now from one of my best friends, Tracy. I love it. She has two little girls and one on the way. Her youngest daughter is 4 and she cracks me up!! I call her Boss Lady...simply cuz she bosses me around. When I first moved back she was a little shy...not so much anymore. I've decided that I'm gonna write down a few of our conversations so I can remember them in the future (I'm convinced I have early onset dementia...I'm forgetting everything. My short term memory is completely shot!). So, introducing my Boss Lady....

Boss Lady, her mom and sister were leaving my house and Grady and I were walking them to the car. She's walking ahead of me and says "Your house is still messy even though I helped you clean Grady's room."

Me: Laughing. "I know, but we are still moving in."

Boss Lady gives me the "you're full of crap" stare. Her Mom says "that's really rude!"

Boss Lady: "Well, Mom it is! You didn't see her bedroom!"

On another occasion I stayed in the car with Boss Lady and Grady (he was sleeping) while Tracy ran into a store real quick. I'm talking to Boss Lady and she says to me "you might want to be quiet. Grady's sleeping and you'll wake him up." I laugh and ask her if I talk too much. She gave the "umm....YES!" look. I, of course, continue to talk to her. I ask "So when your Mommy and Daddy are at the hospital when precious is born what are you and big sister going to do?"

Boss Lady: "I don't know."

Me: "Do you think you'll go to Grandma's house?"

"Yes, we'll probably go to my Grandma that lives in the area, not the one that lives up there." She points up.

"You mean Utah?"

"Yeah. Utah. Not to that Grandma's, the one that lives in the area."

"Well, you guys can come to my house if you want."

"I have other friends I can go to."

She told me!! Sounds like she'll be very disappointed if she ends up at my house. Boss Lady acutally does like me. She asks her Mom every day if she can come to my house....to see Grady, but nonetheless I'm there and she has to deal with me. Whenever her Mom and I hang out she gives me a hug hello and goodbye. She doesn't hug if she doesn't like you....trust me!! Hangin out with Boss Lady makes me miss my NeeNee. Who woulda guessed that these little ones would be so entertaining!!